I believe that I've called Roger Ebert the "Pillsberry Doughboy of film criticism", and I have heard him called Santa Claus which I think is much funnier. But he's like the post by which popular film criticism is measured; and while yes he gave thumbs up to "Simply Irresistable" and thumbs down to "Rushmore" in the same show, things like that are to be expected when you have been in the business as long as he has and you review almost everything that is released nationally for a mass market. (The Red Dragon over Rules of Attraction was more disturbing, but he was going with the flow of the critical community on that one.) I like that he loves Santa Sangre, The Cell, Dark City, and even Speed in the same measure that he loves stuff like Howard's End. He's a reader and loves books, but he also loves movies and it's hard to get riled up at him because he just comes off as an innocent. He dismissed Parents and I had only recently re-discovered that, but I wouldn't have given Christiane F. another look if it wasn't for him. But yeah, he praises crap more then he dismisses gold and so that makes him okay in my book. Richard Roeper, however, who told people to stay away from The Piano Teacher. He's a grade-A asshole.

I'm still a very big Walter Chaw fan, but his grumpiness is beginning to show. Chaw should be a warning to all movie lovers to not be a real film critic and indulge in lengthy masturbations like this instead. A former Epinion-ite, while there he got to spew a little bile every once in a while at recent, and occasionally non-to-recent, stinkers; but he also got to write about the movies that he wanted to write about it and it was heaven to read him. He certainly has more selective taste then Roger Ebert or even MaryAnn JoHanson, and so maybe his sacrifice isn't in vain. I do indeed read him more then those other two. But yeah, he's lost a bit of the passion. He sent me screener DVDs of Gummo and Julien Donkey Boy and he's trying to send me a copy of Trouble Every Day. He's certainly a cool fellow, hope to catch one of his hosted screenings in Denver one day.....

The Flick Filosopher aka MaryAnn JoHanson is a great writer and web designer, a fairly lousy critic, and a bit of a bitch. She's dismissive of a lot of horror films and although she lives in New York reviews comparatively few older films or art films. See this is what you don't get from my site. I don't review movies so I can get free screenings or free screeners. I'm young, idealistic, and untouched. I took her to task for saying that The Princess Bride was one the best films ever made and that she didn't write a real review about it, and eventually she just got tired of arguing with me. She doesn't even publish her mail anymore like Ebert and Filmfreakcentral. But she's a really terrific writer. Her pan on Kill Bill was actually fantastic and very funny. I know that I bitch, bitch, bitch about these critics; but still the best weekly critics that I know. I'm expecting her to link me to her site.

The Internet Movie Database has everything that you possibly need to know about any movie ever made. Every web critic seems to use it constantly.

I love love love the "hasn't been updated in a long time" Kubrick FAQ. They discuss 2001 in great detail; and suggest that Dr. Strangelove, 2001, and A Clockwork Orange are a trilogy of sorts. One picks up where the other left off. This site is responsible for making me re-examine The Shining.

Salon.com is a pay-site and so all you get is reviews from two years ago. If you click through a short ad they'll give you a day's access to their recent reviews. Very good, intelligent, writing from people who show no sign of getting sick of it. I disagree with them almost constantly. Stephanie Zacharek gave a negative review to Kill Bill (but a very good one) and a positive review to Hollywood Homicide. Go figure. I may be wrong, but I think Charles Taylor is a good outspoken critic of Solondoz and Clark, and that in itself is worth noting (although of course I disagree).

I used to hand out at Epinions before I moved here and if you try you can dig up my page. It has most of the same stuff here, but it doesn't look nearly as cool. Lots of good stuff here, but I'm getting a little bored. I'll probably list some of my favorite writers on that site a little later.

Now how about a few non-film releated sites? The The Urban Legends Page may be the greatest place on the Internet. Spend a few hours on there and learn something. The webmasters aren't only debunking myths of course, they're collecting modern folklore. i.e. the Urban Legends. The sex, business, and horror sections are minor masterpieces. Keep an eye out for the Kentucky Fried chicken head. There is some great stuff in the "glurge" section also, especially the boy with the burlap bag for a body. You'll get it when you see it.

The Landover Baptists are a militant church that believes everything in the Bible, but isn't quite beyond selling What Would Jesus Do thong underwear. It's very very brutal anti-religion satire; and while it does get old after a while it's definitely worth a look for the curious. Their published hate mail is often very very hilarious. The same people also run www.whitehouse.org which is only slightly less funny.

The Onion is considerably tamer in comparison; and it's probably on a higher realm of wit. While they make fun of religion and George Bush, they don't hate them. They do after all make fun of everybody. The Onion is a parody of the media itself; juxtaposing the banal with the sacred. The local stories are hardly even stories and the national stories are so bizarre they go beyond newspaper stories. But yeah, this and the Internet Movie Database, I don't need to tell you to visit these websites.

Newgrounds would probably be even more fun if I was still in junior high. It's a bunch of stupid little short films and games, targeted towards boys in junior high. Some of them lean towards the side of political satire, even if it's not particularly good satire. These are the games where you can beat up Osama Bin Laden with a baseball bat and then blow off his head. There are also some where you can kill Saddam Hussein and even George W. Bush. One of the more shocking ones here is a shooting game where you literally nail Jesus Christ to the cross. You throw nails at a moving crucifix and you have to get his hands or feet. The site is sponsored by (very) soft-core pornographers and there are some games where you can undress and dress various celebrities, and there's something called a "dating sim". I couldn't bring myself to play one of the dating sims all the way through, but I did play some strip tease game with an animated teenage vixen. You have to answer questions choose the right answers from several multiple choice questions and if you win you can take off her clothes. It's junior high humor, the kind of place that tries to get laughs but showing little Mario hump the Princess in Super Mario Bros. Somehow it's all painfully addictive. I surrender in deep shame.

Free E-Cards If you're looking for electronic greeting cards this season visit this place. My wife and I used this last Halloween to send out cards to friends and family. It's a lot cheaper and easier then the postal service.